How To Get More Out Of Your Life

How To Get More Out Of Your LifeMost people want to get more of their lives. They talk about reaching their dreams, but often times simply don’t know how to make them happen.

I’ve had the opportunity to be around many successful people, and have watched first hand how they moved from having a dream to actually achieving their dreams. I’m a big believer that anyone can learn what they need to do differently to achieve your dreams.

Here are six of my observations and the things you will want to begin doing immediately, if you aren’t already.

1. They know what they want.

This one is obvious, but if you don’t have a clear goal, dream or desire in mind, how will you know when you’ve gotten where you wanted to be? Successful people have clear goals and a clear vision for how to get there.

Achievers often have really big goals, but they’re also realistic and have a solid plan for how to get where they want to go. They dream big but also have big plans.

2. They focus on their goals.

Once they know what they want, they are tenacious and focused on continual progress toward their goals. They don’t run over people or deliberately hurt people to get what they want, but they do stay focused on the end goal in all their interactions and daily tasks. Achievers have clear minds and clear goals and are consistent in making progress toward those goals.

 3. They don’t procrastinate.

Some of the things we have to do to meet our goals or achieve our dreams are not very fun, but successful people are able to focus on what needs to get done and do it even when it’s unpleasant. They have a plan and they can follow it for as long as it takes without giving up.

4. They create their own opportunities.

Successful people know that nothing good comes without hard work. They understand that things aren’t going to be handed to them without hard work on their part, and they are willing to put in that work to get what they want.

5. They are passionate.

It’s very helpful when reaching for a big goal to not just get excited by it, but to truly be passionate about it. Achievers often talk about how much fun they are having, or say that they would do what they do even if they weren’t getting paid (and in the beginning, they probably weren’t). That’s the kind of passion you need to achieve your biggest goals.

6. They never quit.

Achievers are tenacious, sticking to their plans and goals as long as they need to in order to get where they want to be. If they didn’t stick with it, they wouldn’t achieve anything and neither will you.

 

The Importance of Discipline

UnknownI realize that some parents don’t want to discipline. But they need to step up and realize that their child needs rules and boundaries and consequences to correct and strengthen their character. It’s not because the child needs justice for doing something wrong, but because they need patterns molded into their life that will determine how they will engage with people in the future. It can literally determine if they’ll be successful in life or not.

The focus of teen discipline should be aimed at critical character values like honesty, obedience, and respect. Honesty is a character issue that will help them in their relationships in the future. Obedience will help them gain direction and insight into life. Respect is the bedrock of all friendships and interpersonal relationships. You correct their lapses in these areas so that they will have the type of relationships that they really want…and to keep them from destroying or impeding relationships with their foolishness.

Remember this…discipline isn’t about you and it isn’t about getting back at your kid for messing up your day. It’s about helping them. Your child will continue in their selfish, immature behavior patterns until the pain they receive is greater than the pleasure they receive from it. They’ll continue in those negative things until someone holds them accountable. We are the ones, as parents, who must do that. It cannot be left to anyone else. We are the ones who need to say to our children, “You cannot do this.” We need to set the boundaries and establish the consequences. We need to make it clear that we’ll walk along side our teen in life, but we’ll move to stand in front of them when they start down the wrong path. Why? Because we know that if they go that direction, it will lead to their unhappiness.

Here are some things to remember about discipline.

  1. Rules without relationship cause rebellion. If one thinks that discipline is nothing more than a list of rules posted on the refrigerator that line out how everyone is supposed to act, they are greatly mistaken. It is important that time be spent with your child building a relationship, or the discipline will have no effect.
  2. Look to their interest, not your own. Don’t hand out a consequence just because your teen made you mad. Hand it out because, if they continue in the inappropriate behavior, the result will be something that is harmful to them, and will take them somewhere they really don’t want to go.
  3. Discipline means confrontation, even if you don’t like it. Confrontation is never easy, and is never really that enjoyable. To avoid confrontation is only postponing the inevitable to a time when things will be worse.
  4. Don’t be afraid of seeing your child go through the pain of consequences. Parents are, at times, too quick to rescue a child from their discomfort, thus keeping them from learning from their mistakes or choices. Your rescuing just might allow them to continue in their plight. There are many words for this: denial, enabling, equipping. Rescuing is usually done with the wrong motive, and invariably the wrong results.
  5. You can’t be consistent with everything, so pick your battles wisely. If I were determined to correct every issue that a child presents, I would spend all my time correcting, and very little time building any relationship at all. Your child is not going to be perfect this side of heaven, and there’s plenty of time to correct things along the way, so focus on ten things versus one hundred, and be consistent with just those ten. Remember, even God had just ten commandments.
  6. Discipline is training. Discipline is helping your child to get where they want to be and to keep them from a place they don’t want to end up. Practice discipline in your own parenting even as you discipline your child, and you’ll get them there.
  7. Teach What You Know to Be True. In your discipline, stick with what you know to be true and you know to be right. Think back to the basic principles your parents or grandparents taught you, and pass those forward. They are tried and true. Focus on rules and boundaries that build character. They’ll create a foundation for your child to base every decision they make in their life.

Periodically review the rules in your family. If you determine that some are simply unnecessary or too confining, don’t just stop enforcing it. Make it clear to your teen that you have both thought it through and the rule no longer applies, or they will think you are being inconsistent. And be sure to accentuate the positive — when your teen gets it right, congratulate and reward them.

Paying the Price

Paying the PriceI once heard about a young man who, in his eagerness to make it to the top, went to a well-known millionaire for advice about how to get there.

“What is the first reason for your success?” he asked.

“Hard work,” the millionaire replied.

Disappointed, the inexperienced fellow responded, “What is the second reason?”

We laugh at this young man’s desire for a quick-and-easy formula, but his response brings up a much more serious question for people who aren’t doing what they know they’d like to do: Are you willing to pay the price to get there?

You’ll never live the life you’ve always dreamed of at a bargain-basement price. In fact, the cost is often much higher than most people are willing to pay. I’ve seen more examples of this than I can count. People start chasing their dreams with energy and enthusiasm, only to fizzle out when they realize how much effort is involved. If they had counted the cost first; if they had seriously investigated what it would take to make them successful in that area, they may have gone another direction. Instead, they’re right back where they started, dissatisfied and unfulfilled.

The way to avoid this scenario, of course, is to count the cost of doing what you’d like to do before you begin. So what does the price tag include? Here are just a few items:

1. Hard work
There’s no way around this.  You can’t fulfill your dream without a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. You also will have to spend time, large quantities of time, working diligently and doing things you don’t particularly like in order to prepare yourself for the future you want.

2. Learning
Doing what you love will require you to be teachable, acquire some new skills, and polish your existing abilities. Are you willing to devote the time, effort and energy to making that happen?

3. Discipline
It takes focus and commitment to pursue your dreams without getting sidetracked or giving up. Success doesn’t just happen. You have to be intentional about it, and that takes discipline.

4. Change
At the surface, this might not seem like a significant price. As we all know, change isn’t easy. It can cause stress, anxiety, uncertainty, and a host of other uncomfortable emotions.     However, change almost always produces growth.

5. Emotional Stamina
On your way toward doing what you love, you’re going to stumble and you undoubtedly will take a few hard falls. When that happens, you’ve got to have the intestinal fortitude to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get going again. Do you?

As you think about the price of doing what you want to do, remember that the only way to find out for sure how much you’ll have to pay in each of these areas is to find someone who is living what you’d like to do and ask them about the cost. Ask them what they DID in order to DO what they do.

The young man in our introduction got it partly right, he went to someone for advice about how to be successful. Sadly, his response shows that he was unwilling to pay the price. But it doesn’t have to be that way for you.

Now the ball is in your court. If you know what you want to do but aren’t doing it yet, stop making excuses and start taking steps to make it happen. Don’t wait until everything is perfect to begin because everything will never be perfect. Don’t put it off until tomorrow because tomorrow you’ll be tempted to put it off until the next day.

Just start.

And as you begin, remember these three truths about the end result.

1. Doing what you want to do will be different than you imagined it would be.

2. It will be more difficult than you ever imagined.

3. And it will be better than you ever imagined.

I can assure you that when you’re doing what you really want to do, it’s not work. It’s fun because you’re reaching your potential and you’re helping others reach theirs. It just doesn’t get any better than that.

Are Successful People Made or Born?

Made Not BornThere is no question in my mind that most successful people are made and not born. It has always amazed me how some of the most successful people of all time have gone through, overcome and survived serious obstacles in life before they succeeded. That is the reason I’ve given my life to reaching this generation of students with a message of character, leadership, and faith. You see, many people today have bought into the stereotype that most teenagers are messed up, beyond reach and headed down a wrong path that cannot be corrected. I completely disagree with this assumption.  Why? Because over the last 15 years I have listened to thousands of stories from young people that have found hope through my personal experiences and have chosen to take responsibility for their own lives and not let excuses keep them from being the success they were created to be.

For example, last month in Michigan after speaking in a high school assembly a young man asked me if he could talk with me in private. He started off by telling me that he came to school so depressed that he didn’t feel like living anymore. I asked him why and he immediately opened up. He told me how his life changed when he was nine years old and his father was sentenced to 6 years in prison for drug trafficking. He shared how his mom was never the same after that – “she was always depressed.”  When he was ten, he walked in the house after school and found his mother in the living room with a gunshot wound to her head. She had decided that the pressure of life was too much and killed herself. He said he had been living with his aunt for the past five years and just figured he would turn out like his mom or dad.

Then, he looked me in my eyes and told me that his life changed that day in my assembly. He said that listening to my story caused him to realize that regardless of how bad things have been, if you have breath in your lungs, there’s still hope.  I’ll never forget the look of strength on his face when he told me that he wasn’t going to give up and that he was going to go to college, earn a degree, and make something of himself. That’s why, I believe successful people are MADE not born.  The fact that this young man is determined not to give up makes him a success!

Stop Letting People…

Stop letting people dump on your dreams. Life will test you to see how serious you are about pursuing your dreams.  And sooner or later you’re going to face negative feedback from others.  When this happens, remember not to let anyone crush your spirit.  If you are passionate about something, pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks.  That’s how dreams are achieved.

Stop letting naysayers talk you out of putting in the extra effort. Hard times often lead to greatness.  Keep the faith.  It will be worth it in the end.  The beginnings to great things are always the hardest.

Stop letting people bully you. Bullying is not OK.  Period.  There is no freedom on Earth that gives someone the right to assault who you are as a person.  Sadly, some people just won’t be happy until they’ve pushed your ego to the ground and stomped on it.  What you have to do is have the nerve to stand your ground.  Don’t give them any leeway.  Nobody has the power to make you feel small unless you give them that power.

Stop letting friends be untrue to you. What is a true friend?  Someone who loves you no matter what, but still inspires you to be a better person.  Be a true friend to others, and keep only true friends close to you.

Stop letting people keep you bitter. Remember, the first to apologize is the bravest.  The first to forgive is the strongest.  The first to move forward is the happiest.  Always.

Stop letting people use your past to poison your present. Life is too short to tirelessly struggle with old news and those who refuse to let it go.  Some people cannot stand that you’re moving on with your life and so they will try to drag your past to catch up with you.  Do not help them by acknowledging their behavior.  Keep moving forward.  Practice forgiveness.  Letting go of the past is your first step to happiness.